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Top 10 Resons Why FBO Courtesy Cars are Never Stolen
- They have a range of about 20 miles before they overheat, break down, or drop important parts on the road, assuming they are even able to get off the airport.
- The last flight crew left only 1 pint of gas in it, yielding a usable range for the 2-ton, 454-powered Detroit battlewagon, to about 20 yards. If downhill. With a tailwind.
- It is difficult to drive fast with all the chock blocks, grease rags, ropes, towbars, taxiway lightbulbs, Burger King wrappers, and 3 year old Trade-A-Planes in the seat.
- It takes too long to start and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboards clouds your vision.
- Lem, the A & P apprentice sleeping in the back seat, looks mean.
- They’re too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The car is overall brown but the left door is Cessna Sunset Red with the airport’s name spray painted in green zinc chromate, the trunklid is Lock Haven Yellow, there’s a Stearman decal in the rear window, the bumper sticker says: “My other Car is an F-16”, etc.
- The large pile of bald 6.00X6 tires in the back seat makes it hard to see if you’re being chased. You could use the one passenger-side 8″ X 12″ outside mirror if it wasn’t cracked and covered with duct tape.
- Top speed is only about 45 mph (but the speedometer face has an “Inoperative” decal on it.)
- Who wants a car that needs a year’s worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in bodywork, rewiring, a windshield, and a thorough dipping in a vat of JB Weld.
- It’s hard to commit a crime with everyone laughing at you.